


Protecting A Breakable Heart

by miniiaus



Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff, I repeat, Love Triangle, M/M, Mental Illness, Sad, This Is Sad, i dont know end game yet, love square more like, minhee is sad, more tags, no nsfw i s2g if yall think that u nasty, sad fic, theyre babies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-18 07:15:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20635220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniiaus/pseuds/miniiaus
Summary: The first time he'd fallen in love was in Winter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is really short just bc i needed to start this, more coming v soon. if you ship any of the pairs in the tags dw yall will all get crumbs.

The first time he’d fallen in love was in Winter. He was 15 and hadn’t totally had his spark stomped out yet. It was at the bus stop by his house. The cold bit at his fingers as he fiddled with the buttons of his coat. He’d been watching his breath, soft and slow puffs of water vapour dispersing into the air. There was a small crunch in the snow that had startled him enough to look up. If Minhee believed in love at first sight, he imagined this is what it would feel like. The boy looking down at him curled his soft pink lips into a smile causing Minhee’s breath to quicken, which was all too obvious in the cold. Compared to Minhee, this boy was bright. Almost too bright. He stuck out vibrantly against the snow, a bright red coat swallowed his frame accompanied by matching red shoes. It made Minhee wonder how he could stand being so noticed when the rest of the world seemed dedicated to destroying anything out of the ordinary.

The boy in red sat down and shuffled closer. “You don’t mind right? It’s good to be close when it’s cold.” He asked, attempting to make eye contact. Minhee’s heart nearly skipped a beat. The other boys voice was sweet and soft, like strawberries and cream. He choked out a reply that he hoped was coherent. By this point, Minhee could feel his own heart thumping in his chest. He’d never felt anything like this before and wasn’t sure if he wanted to again. He was vulnerable, he felt small. But most of all he wanted to hold the other boy’s hand and never let go. There was a loud sound that scared him out of his trance, followed by the creak of the bus door. The other boy got up first and smiled at him before half skipping up the steps, turning back at him on the last one.  
“My name is Eunsang, by the way.” he said tilting his head slightly to the side. Minhee wasn’t sure if his jaw had dropped from the sudden attention but as he stood up, he replied, “Kang Minhee.”. 

Eunsang came to the stop every day for the winter of that year. He never stopped wearing his red coat. He never stopped making Minhee’s heart flutter. Every time they boarded the bus it was like the two had never met. Eunsang would never pretend he didn’t know the boy, it’s just that he had friends and Minhee wasn’t so fortunate. He didn’t mind though, from his seat on the bus he could watch the boy laugh and smile. His cheeks tinged pink as he giggled amongst the large amount of female ‘friends’ he’d gathered over time. Minhee was honestly content just hearing his voice. It always stayed the same, sweet and soft. He could hear it even from the end of the bus and it always managed to soothe him. 

It was the end of Winter and the day had seemed normal. The two boys waited at the bus silently. Minhee tried not to look at Eunsang, as usual. He tried not to look at his pink cheeks, his lips, the way his eyes never looked angry. He braced himself as the bus arrived, ready to sit alone and listen to the sound of Eunsang being happy without him. Minhee boarded the bus first, glancing around for a seat. As he sat down, he leant his head against the cold window, exhaling. As the window fogged up, he raised his finger to draw a small heart and closed his eyes. There was a sudden creak beside him, and the chair sunk slightly. It wasn’t rare for a stranger to sit next to him when the bus was full, but when he’d glanced around earlier there were plenty of spare seats. His chest tightened, hoping no one was there to make fun of him. He couldn’t bare Eunsang seeing him like that. When he whipped his head around, he was met with the familiar doe eyes of the boy he’d just been thinking about. Minhee felt like his heart had exploded and he spun his head back toward the window shyly. There was no reason for Eunsang to be beside him, he knew there were plenty of seats. His mind raced, both worried and excited. Eunsang waited a few seconds before intertwining their fingers gently. Minhee wasn’t sure if his heart could beat any faster, he felt his cheeks burn as the other boy lightly ran his thumb over the top of his hand. The stayed like that for the entire trip, Eunsang clinging to him gently as Minhee struggled to breathe. As Eunsang got off at his stop, he smiled back with almost sad eyes. Minhee watched as the boy in the red coat walked off into the snow with his friends. Eunsang never came again after that day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more members introduced!!! sorry for making minhee super angsty, but itll get better soon. if youre really angry yell at me on my cc, or be nice i dont mind. <3 or give me suggestions cuz i may use them
> 
> https://curiouscat.me/miniiaus

_“It’s a sad thing, protecting a breakable heart.”_  
_ \- Atticus_

Nowadays Minhee looked a little different. His black hair was now a bleached blonde that stuck up at all angles. He was older now, with a much stronger distaste for life than before. Remembering the moments where he had felt happy were the only things that truly kept him going. Eunsang holding his hand was one of those. He’d though a thousand times about what had happened to the boy and always came to the same conclusion, he had left him. Minhee had felt a dull sort of ache since, or maybe it had always been there and Eunsang just covered it temporarily. He wasn’t sure.

Crouched behind the school three years later, Minhee ran his thumb over his own hand in an attempt to soothe the anxiety growing in his chest. School had always been hell. He was sure of that. His particularly was a cesspool of insecurity. At the sight of anything unique his peers seemed dedicated to exterminating it like a pest. He was one of those pests. Ever since he’d started school he’d always been ‘different’. He didn’t know exactly how it started, but no one had really wanted to associate with him since quite early on. The only friends he’d ever had at school only ever lasted about a week before they left him either to protect themselves or to escape. He couldn’t blame them. Being his friend meant putting up with the relentless jabs and attacks at the hands of his more ‘popular’ classmates. Nowadays it was rarely violent, more so psychological. Though, he couldn’t decide what felt worse.

Minhee had turned to keeping himself isolated, avoiding any social interaction. During breaks he sat behind the school, dreading his return to class. It was safer this way. There were times he’d wish that he could have friends like everyone else. Or even just one. But after so many years of being alone he didn’t think he’d be able to. His thoughts were interrupted abruptly by the sound of the school bell echoing out. Minhee let out a deep sigh before standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. It was time to go. He swallowed nervously before heading off toward his class.

Science class was both a blessing and a punishment in his eyes. His teacher was friendly and relaxed, which made him feel at ease. But it also meant that the class was able to get away with a lot more than Minhee would like. He sat at the back, by the window and usually tried his best to focus on his textbook or phone. Trying to distract himself in any way possible. Today was no different, he entered the class quickly and before most people, finding his way to the back of the room. As the other students entered, he tried to ignore a few of the usual jabs. “You’d think he sleeps here. He’s always first.” A girl laughed, her friend replied, “It’s not like he has anywhere else to be.”. These days Minhee didn’t even have the strength to argue, all he could do was flash a glare and go back to his phone.

Minhee glanced at the floor quickly trying to avoid eye contact, hearing a familiar clumsy patter followed by a loud thump. His gut twisted as he heard a strained half giggle from the other side of the room, “I’m sorry for being in your way. I’ll make sure to avoid you next time!”. Accidentally, he glanced up and met eyes with the person he’d been trying to avoid. He felt bad, Song Hyeongjun was like him. The other was pushed around almost equally, but for some reason Minhee couldn’t handle being around him. Maybe it was the way Hyeongjun always managed to smile, no matter what happened. Maybe Minhee was jealous. He wasn’t sure. He sighed as the curly haired boy bounced up to him and quietly sat beside him. “Hi Minhee! Did you eat today?” he asked, blinking up at the other. Minhee shuddered, even after being pushed into the classroom Hyeongjun still seemed more worried about other people. “Yeah I did.” He mumbled in reply.

Soon enough, class began, and the pair started scribbling down notes. Minhee couldn’t understand the other boy. How he’d never snapped, never fought back. It never seemed like anything bothered him. Minhee decided he definitely was jealous. “-the project?” he’d heard the end of Hyeongjun’s sentence, too busy thinking to listen.  
“Sorry? I didn’t hear you.” Minhee whispered, turning to meet the boy’s large eyes. “Oh! It’s okay.”  
Hyeongjun smiled back at him, “I just asked if you wanted to be partners for the project? It’s okay if you don’t.”.  
Minhee’s gut twisted again, Hyeongjun’s insecurity saddened him. “Yeah sure. We can be partners.” He nodded back.

As class finished Minhee stood up and left quickly, Hyeongjun made a little worried noise before scooping up his scattered pens and pencils. After a few seconds Hyeongjun caught up, dropping a few pens along the way. “Ah- Minhee, could we meet up after school? For the assignment I mean..” he mumbled. Minhee nodded, “Yeah, do you know the café near school? I work there, but I start at 5 so we can just walk there at the end of the day and talk before I start.” He smiled, honestly just wanting to get the conversation over and done with. Hyeongjun seemed overjoyed as he bounced off in the other direction toward his class. Minhee could have sworn he’d seen Hyeongjun get shoved out of the corner of his eye but kept walking. The self-loathing had started to creep through him at a slow and steady rate. He could be closer to Hyeongjun but he wasn’t, and for what reason? Could he really not stomach how jealous he was? He shrugged the thought off and continued to his next class, which was significantly less interesting.

The day droned on and eventually it was time to meet up with Hyeongjun. Minhee found the café he worked out to be somewhere he felt truly safe. It was warm and comforting, the inside was decorated with overgrown plants making the place look like it had been swallowed by nature. He felt at home amongst the smell of coffee grinds and dirt, his room at home looked similar. Hyeongjun seemed happy too, though he always did. They sat down at a booth in the small store and began chatting about what to order. The bell by the door jingled a few minutes later, signalling someone new had entered. Minhee didn’t bother to look up, he could tell who it was by the laugh. There was a flash of bright yellow as Son Dongpyo walked past the pair and into the back room of the café, ready to change into his uniform and start work. His lips were perfectly glossed and Minhee couldn’t avoid stealing a glance. Dongpyo was everything Minhee wanted to be. Cute, adored, out of the closet. Somehow no matter what Dongpyo did, people seemed to like him. Hyeongjun visibly bit his lips and spoke up, “I’m going to order!” he smiled. Minhee shook himself out of whatever trance he was in, “Oh alright, I’ll pay. I get a discount.”.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chapter for yall, this one is a bit shorter bc i have a lot of uni to do today. here is the dongpyo yall ordered. there may be another chapter tonight or tomorrow but we'll see. 
> 
> https://curiouscat.me/miniiaus remember to yell at me on my cc <33

_"Dear Heart, please let these feelings fade."_

Eventually, Hyeongjun left. Only after they’d discussed all the details of their assignment and eaten a fair share of the cafes stock. Minhee entered the back room of the café, glancing around for any sign of life before getting changed into his uniform. He looked at the mirror, distracted by his reflection and started fiddling with his hair. Letting out a defeated sigh, he resorted to simply running his fingers back through it, allowing it to rest lightly, flicked to one side. Nervously, he fumbled with some strawberry Chapstick and haphazardly applied it to his lips. After he was somewhat satisfied with himself, he headed out behind the counter to join his co-worker, who already seemed bored.

Work was usually slow for the both of them. Dongpyo hated being bored. Minhee could tell by the constant groans erupting from the smaller boy. “Minhee!! You have to entertain me.” He whined, boosting himself up onto the marble counter. Minhee scoffed a little, Dongpyo would never talk to him like this at school. It was only in the sanctity of their little hideaway that he ever spoke with him. Seeing them in the café, anyone would think they were best friends. But Minhee knew that their friendship only went as far as the door. “How are you and Hyunsik going?” he asked leaning against the register, turning his head to face Dongpyo. Hyunsik was Dongpyo’s boyfriend. Minhee wouldn’t admit it, but he was jealous of the guy. Hyunsik and him started dating earlier that year. Minhee had known Dongpyo a while now, since he started working, and the whole time he’d always had a small crush on the boy. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure if anyone in the world didn’t agree with him. To Minhee, Hyunsik was the luckiest man alive, but that didn’t mean he liked him very much. “Oh you know..” Dongpyo trailed off, “We’re fine.” He smiled.

Surrounded by the coffee, plants and Dongpyo’s pretty voice, Minhee felt like he could stay like this for the rest of his life. Dongpyo always managed to make him feel like that. Refreshed, happy, warm. He could sit and imagine scenarios for hours. If they were together, Minhee would save up and buy him the nicest things. He’d take Dongpyo on shopping dates and let him have anything he wanted. But the reality was, somebody already did that for him. “You’re so weird Minhee.” The other boys voice rung out, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re always spacing out whenever I see you.” He continued, smiling from across the store. Minhee laughed, scrubbing down the counter “Perks of being lonely.”. As the clock ticked on the two boys eventually decided on simply sitting in one of the booths, discussing their futures. “I want to live in a big house, one with a view.” Dongpyo announced proudly, shoving his phone in Minhee’s face. There was a picture of a mansion by the sea on the screen. “You told me Hyunsik doesn’t like the ocean?” Minhee questioned, twisting his body to lay down on the chair. “I don’t have to live with Hyunsik.” Dongpyo mumbled, his voice lacking the spark of earlier. The blonde glanced up at him quizzically, “Why wouldn’t you? He’s your boyfriend.”. Dongpyo seemed visibly annoyed, picking at his sleeve. “You do everything with him, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to.” Minhee sighed, unsure if Dongpyo could detect any of the jealousy in his voice.

“You wouldn’t understand.” The smaller boy hissed.

“Why not?” Minhee pressured.

“You just wouldn’t.”

“He’s your boyfriend, you’re meant to like him.” Minhee said, sitting up.

“Maybe I don’t.” Dongpyo muttered, now fiddling with his buttons.

Minhee couldn’t understand the way Dongpyo was acting, he’d never voiced any concerns like this before and always seemed quite pleased with his relationship.

“Just drop it. Pretend I didn’t say anything.” Dongpyo continued, some defeat in his voice.

Minhee lay back down, twisting his hair between his fingers. There was an awkwardly long silence between the pair. “Maybe I like someone else.” Dongpyo choked out, staring at the floor. Minhee laughed a little, “That’d be pretty dumb, Hyunsik is like.. the best guy around.”. There was another silence, “Pyo?” Minhee asked as he sat up again. He was met with the eyes of the other boy now welled up with tears. He gasped a little, unsure of what he’d done wrong. “Wait- Pyo. I’m sorry, what did I say?” he asked in a panic. Dongpyo looked as if he was about to speak but turned his attention to the door that was rattling slightly. There was a knock. Hyunsik had arrived to pick him up. Dongpyo stood up quickly, scooping up his phone and taking off his apron. He made eye contact with Minhee again and wiped his tears away, “I have to go.”.

Minhee sat dumbfounded, staring at the door Dongpyo had just rushed out of. He felt incredibly guilty, he didn’t know he’d actually upset the other boy. Dongpyo always seemed so carefree, he had no idea that the boy would break down. He assured himself that the next time they worked together he’d apologise. As the guilt twisted in his stomach, Minhee turned off the light to the café and locked the door before heading down the street toward his house.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this chapter is really short bc ive been destroyed by uni, but i only have one week left so dw yall i havent given up. this is really just to make sure you dont think im dead/have given up on this.

The next few days were bland. The personification of cloudy weather into a schedule. Minhee felt barely anything, he’d not even seen Dongpyo once since the events of his last shift, nor had he seen Hyeongjun. He assumed Dongpyo was avoiding him, but Hyeongjun he wasn’t so sure. Usually the boy said ‘hello’ at least once a day and rarely skipped school, Minhee made a mental note to message him. 

It was lunch again, Minhee was in his usual area. Crouched amongst the stones and overgrown plants behind the school, watching the ants and bugs live their lives. He was rarely interrupted here; it was peaceful and serene. No watching teachers, judging students. He was safe. At least until he heard the crumple of leaves from around the corner. Quickly, Minhee threw himself into the garden, badly camouflaging himself in the plants. Peeking through the leaves he was able to see a stressed figure, running his fingers through his hair, cursing a little as he did so. The figure pressed his own head against the wall, letting out a sigh. Minhee was able to make out a little more detail, the figure was a student whose uniform (even from the back) seemed perfectly ironed. Cleanliness didn’t worry Minhee usually, but the pristine quality worried him. It was obvious who the figure was now, Minhee was relieved he hadn’t been caught. Cha Junho was not someone to mess with. No, he wasn’t scary or tough. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. But he was definitely a threat. Junho had always been the teachers favourite, every teacher favourite. This made sense, he was the principal’s son after all. He wasn’t sure Junho had a personality aside from being a teacher’s pet, he’d never seen him with any friends before so there was no way to tell. 

Minhee made an attempt to shift his weight to make an escape, noticing that Junho didn’t seem to be leaving. However, upon doing this he managed to snap a branch, causing the other boy to whip his head around. “Kang Minhee.” Junho breathed out, staring into the garden. Minhee sighed and stood up, picking a leaf out of his fluffy blonde hair, “Yes?”. The other boy stared at him, Minhee tried to read them. He watched a flew thoughts click over in Junho’s head, “You’re not allowed to be out here.” Junho mumbled shakily, his normal confidence nowhere to be found. Minhee felt a little bad, he didn’t enjoy the fact that he’d interrupted Junho’s breakdown but at the same time Junho wasn’t making it easy to be nice. “Neither are you.” Minhee stated, stepping out of the bushes and making his way close to Junho in an intimidation attempt. Junho wasn’t much shorter than him, but still cowered a little, backing up a few steps. Minhee was inches away from him now and the air had changed. He could hear Junhos small breaths as the other boy looked up at him, opening and closing his mouth to talk. Minhee had never noticed it before, but Junho was pretty. His eyes especially. He’d never really thought to look past his personality, which was kind of hypocritical. Junho, finally realising the position he was in, sped off in the other direction, leaving Minhee to feel accomplished.


End file.
